I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
