Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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