at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
