Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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