We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
