I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
