and she was petting her beer can
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
