it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
