I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
