Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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