Don't make out with my wife yet
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
