Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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