So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
