I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
