The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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