yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
