Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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