I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
