Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
