Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
