dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
