It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
