I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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