How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
