Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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