WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
