he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
