"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
