I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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