is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
