god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
ok first of all what the fuck
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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