You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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