woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
