Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
