Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
