just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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