saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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