Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
