I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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