just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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