I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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