apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
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