Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
