just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
