she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
