apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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