I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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