I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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