I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
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