he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
